Numerous books, magazine articles, and blog posts have written to address the theories behind why people stay or leave a church. And while each church has it’s own unique flavors which influence people’s decisions, I believe that there are 3 major factors that transcend denomination, worship style, or ministry style.
Nelson Searcy over at Church Leader Insights focuses on 2 factors that influence people staying at a church. He says that it’s based on people’s RELATIONSHIP and their RESPONSIBILITY. If a person has those 2 needs met, they will stay in a church. Not trying to completely disagree with Nelson, I think that there is one other factor – RIGHTEOUSNESS. There MUST be a GOD factor as well.
For the sake of our discussion, let me break all this down…
Relationship- Relationship is a simple concept. People must be connected with other people for them to feel that they are TRULY “in” the church. If people are not connected RELATIONALLY, the feelings of disconnectedness will eventually lead then away from the church that they desperately want/need to be a part of.
Responsibility - Responsibility would be the functions we perform at church. You might say, “I am a Greeter,” or “I am in charge of Parking at the 9:30 service.” Responsibility is what compels us to attend each week. It’s a conviction for us. When people have a “job” or “duty” that is required of them, they have ownership of their area of service. It’s also MUCH harder to walk away from a church if you are plugged in to an area that is in line with your gifts, talents, and passions. If you are at a church, and you have no responsibility, you are much more likely leave than if you had it.
And for many churches, they focus on those 2 factors alone in trying to discern church attendance. I believe that churches must also focus on a person’s Righteousness as well as their responsibilities and their relationships.
Here is how I unpack the Righteousness factor:
A person starts to attend your church. They are far away from God, and they discover a Savior, accept God as Lord of their life, and get baptized. Then, they sign up to be in a small group… They are very close to their small group, but start to resent issues at the church and become disillusioned with “organized” religion. After a few months, they begin to miss a Sunday or two, and then, after more absences, they eventually disappear for good. They even stay in contact with some of the members of their small group, but they feel compelled to go to a church that is “deeper”.
Righteousness + Relationship – Responsibility = LEAVE CHURCH
Another person starts attending, has already accepted Christ, and immediately gets plugged in to the Children’s Ministry. They faithfully serve week in, a week out. They don’t attend regular services very freqauently due to their ministry obligations, nor do they have time for a small group, but they are your “go to” childcare people. They don’t have many friends outside of the children’s department, but hey, everyone is busy. Eventually, that person begins to “burn out” and decides to “take a break.” Then, you never see them again.
Righteousness + Responsibility-Relationship = LEAVE CHURCH
So what is the answer? Try this on…
A person gets a mailer in the mail, and decides to try your church on a Sunday. That person (visitor) is greeted by a friendly person who shows them around the church, introduces them to some other friendly people, and after the service, that same greeter seeks [the visitor] out and encourages them to come back.
The following Sunday, that SAME greeter welcomes the visitor back and asks about their previous week’s experience. Then that SAME greeter invites them to come WITH THEM to attend an upcoming event.
So this person comes to the event, and has a great time. Another person, who the greeter had introduced earlier, sees the visitor at this event and asks them to help out with the set-up team on the following Sunday Morning. And after serving a couple of times, is asked to get into a rotation. That visitor LOVES the experience and serves every other week.
And after several weeks in a small group that meets on Thursday nights, they give their life to Christ. They then go on witness to their spouse and kids, and soon, the whole family is serving, deeply connected to friends, and experiencing God in amazing ways.
Righteousness + Relationship + Responsibility = STAYS IN CHURCH
We, as church leaders, MUST focus on the people who God brings us. We MUST find out how to connect with them on 3 deep levels, relationship, responsibility, and righteousness. If any of those three factors get out of balance, that person has the potential to get hurt or leave the church.
Next Time – we’ll talk about the 3 Reasons that Keep People Away from Church.
* Special thanks to Scott Whitaker, Pastor of StonePoint Church in Newnan, GA.
Great post – I love the 3rd R you add to the equation.
Nelson
Thanks Nelson,
In all honesty, 2/3 of it was your stuff. Your impact on me and StonePoint has been unbelievable. I have been impacted by your for a long time. Thanks for your wisdom and your investment in church plants, and me.
Hi John
I really liked your article, very timely for us as a church. I am not really clear on how you use the word ‘righteousness’, could you explain that a bit more.
It seems to me that what you are saying is that it is key for the SAME person to walk with that individual making sure they develo relationships and responsibiites.
Blessings,
Brian
I left the church because of too much responsibility. I got burnt out… even worse burnt up. I was good with the righteousness part but had little in the way of relationships because I was too busy working church. I spent more time at church than with the wife God gave me.
The institution side of the church also drove me away. You have a few select people who are paid for all their work in the church where most people are free unpaid labor. No body says to someone in church, “You need to slow down. Your doing too much.” or “Let me find someone to do this or that and take some weight off your shoulders.”
Another factor of church that drove me away was it was just to much of a production, the production I helped put on every week to keep people intrested and coming, so that the select few could get a paycheck and the bills could be paid… all this work I did for free.
Another factor to leaving church was the whole atmosphere is irrelevent to real life. You can’t take real life to church. The atmosphere is not condusive to one being themselves but to put on a shinney fake face. You can’t take church home or to work. For the most part, I can’t remember the songs that were sung or the pastors sermons for more than 3 steps out the door. That’s what 40 years of the same ole same ole does to a person.
Another reason for leaving is that the institution side of it is set up to corrupt those who are paid by it. It pushes pastors and leaders to preach membership as a biblical concept because it needs members for tax free status. It pushes pastors and leaders to twist scripture about giving to manipulate people to give more and even unbiblical practice of tithing and stewardship that went away after Jesus died on the cross. People don’t go to seminary because they want to grow God’s kingdom for nothing. I don’t see that Jesus wanted His church turned into a business for profit or to be profited from.
The thing is. I can no longer support the great whore who is riding tax free off the back of the internal revenue beast, and living off the blood and sweat and free labor of the saints. This is not what the church is suppose to be.
What I see the church needing to do is to shead the business and go back to Acts, home churches only, no paid positions,… organized, but no name and invisible to the government. Any giving money will only be taken at time of need for those in need so that 100% goes to those who need it.