Angry at God

by Andrew Scott

i know, that for some people, I am about to really set you off.  I know that for some of the people who frequent this blog, I am about to make you very mad at me.  And that is not my intent.  You read this blog for many reasons, you are a friend, or family, or a member of a church I work, have worked, or have heard of me.  Or, you just got lucky and landed here by mistake.  And, most of the time, I am oddly sarcastic, slightly funny, or mildly thought provoking.  But today, I am just pissed…and I am pissed at God.

For those of you who think that being mad at God is a sin, not so fast.  Many people throughout the Bible have been mad at God: Job, David, and even Jesus wondered why God had forsaken Him.  And if Jesus can ask those types of questions, and His being God, I BELIEVE that I can be put out with God.

You see, I serve God with everything I have.  I have given my life to serve God by being a servant to his children.  I am a FULL TIME PASTOR.  I am a Connections Pastor, which is a snazzy way of saying that I am in charge of small groups, greeting, email, blog, website, video, and occasionally, worship, music, and events here at StonePoint Church in Newnan, GA.

And to say that it has been a rough year, would be a flippin’ HUGE-ASS understatement.  Now, I am sure that some of you may be checking out right now, and I hate to see you go, but I understand.  Reality sucks sometimes and YOUR Jesus is all hugs and kisses.  Oh, by the way, don’t forget, the next time He comes, it’s to DESTROY the enemy and judge us all….so put that in your pipe and smoke it.  See you later.

Anyway, for those of you STILL here.  I LOVE my job.  I LOVE what I do, where I do it, with whom I do it, and how we do it.  To use our own slogan…StonePoint Rocks!  I love my wife, I love our dogs and cat, I even like the condo that we live in, even though I still own a home in Florida.  So what’s pissing you off?  I’m glad that you asked….

Why is life so difficult?  I know, I am being pissy and whiny, it’s my blog, get over it.  I also have a point….  Life is hard.  We all know that, AND ministry is hard.  And with both of those 2 things put together, it just makes for one big difficulty-paloosa in the Donahue household.  And I am just exhausted.

I cannot go into details, because I value my personal life and the people in it, but let’s just say, i have a very UNIQUE road that I have to walk.  Allow me to quote Job…

I am sick of life! And from my deep despair, I complain to you, my God. Don’t just condemn me! Point out my sin. Why do you take such delight in destroying those you created and in smiling on sinners? Do you look at things the way we humans do? Is your life as short as ours? Is that why you are so quick to find fault with me? You know I am innocent, but who can defend me against you?

Will you now destroy someone you created? Remember that you molded me like a piece of clay. So don’t turn me back into dust once again. As cheese is made from milk, you created my body from a tiny drop. Then you tied my bones together with muscles and covered them with flesh and skin. You, the source of my life, showered me with kindness and watched over me.

I don’t have an answer – God told Job, “Who are YOU to know the mind of God.”  I get that.  I just get overwhelmed with the last few years of my life.  I love God and will continue to serve Him.  I just get angry and scared, and I feel very, very small.

I know that there are lots of people, in my life, who care about me and deal with much worse things that I do.  I know that I have not TRULY suffered, but I can only judge my life based on my experience.  And TODAY is a hard day.  So…Maybe I’ll just get some Chinese and deal.